Simply Put

My mom took care of me so well I coasted into my late teens petrified of facing life as an adult. Petrified. As in I could not even think of how I could put one foot ahead of the other, much less figure out who I was and what I wanted to be. It wasn't until I dropped out of college, went back to high school and bombed it, dabbled around in this and that, wished I'd never been born, A LOT, and all in all almost drowned in so much self pity I got carted off to a shrink for some bullshit diagnoses that I took myself firmly in hand, asked the hard questions, and kinda started to get it right. ish.

For a while there when I first started to get the hang of I felt it was such an injustice that noone had ever explained me that the good Life didn't happen to you just cause you were born. Or that if you wanted anything out of it, it meant thinking about things, making choices, and all the stuff required to steer yourself down your chosen path. Or that steering yourself isn't something you can ever take a break from, and that a part of that would be accepting that no matter how hard you try, a lot of it is still beyond your control, but best part; the fact that you can control how you take it on, and what you make of it is completely within your control. And that's the real joy of life. The whole point. Right there.

I'm pretty proud of myself for figuring that out all by myself, but sometimes I forget it. Like today, when I am wishing I could just walk out my front door and into my dream job making a difference in the lives of people who need it. I just want to touch people, somehow help them to step into the reality I know, where there are tools to help you heal, a place where you can embrace who you are, resources that are enough so noone has to starve, skills to take care of selves and families.

And I don't care if I ever earn a dime for it. I just want to everyday go someplace where I can help, and there are so many people out there dying for someone who wants to help.... so how comes I'm sitting on my couch aching with frustation because this didn't turn out to be as easy as googling "volunteer jobs", and how comes doing a "good thing" became so hard?

I know the universe has me covered on this -I mean we totally covered this in the game plan, but it's tough going at the moment, cause I just can't figure out what my next move is.

I stopped moving for a while there because I got scared by all the reasons I can't. But if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go reacquaint myself with all the reasons I can, and see what google has to say about making a difference.

In the meantime, if you know of any organizations that are willing to fund me making a difference -preferably for women and/or children in developing countries.. holla at a girl with some info will you? And if perchance you're an organization looking for such a person... listen up, you've found your girl and I've got the resume and recommendations to prove it.